The Letter

It has been almost 7 years, since I last saw RP.  On CPC’s marriage day, there he was, completely transformed from the small town guy that I once knew in college.  Gone was the lad with the shabby hair, the Baggy Pants and those shirts which one would have a hard time to figure out if they were Tucked In or Out. Here was the New RP in his GQ avatar, completely groomed, wrapped in Text Book Definition of Corporate Dressing. Occupational Hazard, I suppose or could it be an impact of all those frequent foreign trips that he makes. RP works with IT Dept for an International Retail Chain and from what I hear, he has been rising up the Ladder pretty Quick.

While in college, anyone who had seen RPs Semester Mark Sheet (including RP) wouldn’t have expected to him to be where he is today. But, I am sure they would all be happy to see and know what RP has made of his life.

Right through the First week of College RP fell in love. All the friendly counselling, that it is just an infatuation and has minimum chances of a successful relationship fell on deaf Ears. For RP she was the ONE, the very reason of his existence, his destiny, all rolled into one.Now the Girl whom RP fell for was from the neighbouring State. Most of the Guys/Gals had a secret crush for the students from this neighbouring State.  Two probable reasons could be:

1. They were a minority, which made them all the more exclusive.

2. The universal Paradox of the other side being always Greener.

I being an actual (105 houses apart) neighbour of this girl made RP my most frequent visitor. All his visits were solely to find out details of his love interest, SR. He would go Dumbstruck at her sight, and never could manage any words out of his mouth, to introduce himself. RP was every bit Filmy, like mostly anyone out there then. For him the two characteristics of a perfect gentleman were:

1. Never say out your affection to a girl.( they would have to figure that out using some Sixth Sense or Divine Miracle and come running to you ,just like in the movie climaxes)

2. Be there for Friends. (Read, get in trouble for friends. It doesn’t matter who is Right or Wrong, even if your friend gets trashed for being a peeping –tom, you gang up and hit back.)

As I ran out of (the very few) details that I knew about his girl, and as RP s patience started wearing off, I was forced to invent details about her, that she dint even know. My only assurance was that RP had no way of confirming my (intellectual) inventions.  For the benefit of everyone involved, largely mine, I invented a Boyfriend for her back home. This was no ordinary boyfriend; this boyfriend was extremely gifted in sports and academics, extremely good-looking, athletic build. Just to spice up things a bit more, I made him a family friend and told that their affair was endorsed by both families. In short a perfect Description of someone who couldn’t exist (not that I know of).

Poor RP was shattered; he went into a depression Phase and me,well I finally had some peace of mind. 

Good things don’t last forever. I had an unusual set of visitors that weekend, offering me a lift back to my native. It was depressed RP and his cousin’s jam packed in a white TATA Sumo. The only charge for this ride was that I show them the house of this extremely Gifted Boyfriend. They were here to take this boyfriend out of the equation, by any means possible. RP wasn’t the only one FILMY in the Family, I realised.

It took umpteen numbers of even more instant (intellectual) inventions, which included making the Boyfriends Father a Police officer and his uncle a politician.  The group finally decided to postponed the trip as they felt a bit more planning was required, but they reassured RP, they will be back soon to  his aid.

AS they left , first instinct was to slap RP left and right , firstly for being a coward by not speaking his mind to this girl and secondly for getting his in-house goons involved in this.

However, Common sense prevailed (thought of the white TATA Sumo coming back, forced it to prevail) and decided to act a bit more sensibly. Having no prior experience in dealing with relatives who were willing to go all the way, for taking out the competition of their little one, I decided to untangle the mess I had created and step out of this game which literally involved Sharp objects.

Next week, I dictated the last of my series of lies. I made this Boyfriend pack his bags for some B-School in US. I convinced poor RP that this boyfriend is no way coming back to SR as he would find someone else in the US, and that he has  enough time to earn his place in her heart anyway.

And to be in the Omnipotent one’s Good books in spite of all my creative Intellectual inventions (Lies), I threw in a complimentary present for RP; I introduced him to SR, which was literally straightforward.

As SR passed RP and me, I called out SR.

“Hi SR, this is RP. RP this is SR, both of you are going to be classmates next year as both of you are ECE” (as if I had to point out their branches to them)

SR smiled at us and left without saying anything. But, that was a smile that would transform RP. Though he was still standing straight, his face beamed out the Euphoria like a 500W bulb.

Next year RP and SR became classmates, just like I had predicted to them. They soon started talking and RP lost no time in letting his intentions known to her. (Much faster than I thought). SR was or played the Miss. Hard to Get. She reminded him the text book description of their parent’s expectations about them, which again fell on RPs deaf ears. RP had stopped bunking classes, he would religiously come to class everyday and have his head and eyes realigned perpendicular to the board and the lecturer, right at her face. To put in Retrospect, he was like one of those soldiers at a Republic Day Parade, who have their heads locked on to their Commander in Chief while marching past Him/Her.  Here, neither was he nor his Commander in Chief marching, which made the drooling very evident. If a professor tries relocating him, such that SR is out of his POV, he would create a mess big/small enough just to be kicked out of the class. Once out of the Class, he had all the freedom to stand by the window and drool over her.

Two more years had passed by now and I was a complete Martian on this topic, I had my own Miss. Hard to get. Usually,with Girls that I knew or heard of back then, Demand Lists were directly proportional to time spent together (on phone calls, SMS and Yahoo Messenger), but not in this case. She, wanted unrealistic things off me, which was, clearing the Backlogs (those papers that I had so royally and painstakingly flung).  She should have realised what to expect from a self confessed bench-warmer. Our secret letter transactions started getting heavier; with a big Fat book in the library which we were sure none would borrow, serving as our drop point.

Initially it was great. We both were on cloud 9 (at least I was).Then, the letters started becoming less, casual and romantic, and started getting more target driven.  The letters included time tables for me, which subject, which Unit, study time and as a topping, Sample question paper she herself had prepared, which I was to attend and send it back to her for correction.

Now that was the line, she shouldn’t have crossed, for her own good.  These letters became frequent with the same demand, STUDY.  Her last letter was, what anyone but me could have seen coming, she was freaking out that I hadn’t attended any of her mock tests.

A quick phone call to her from Hostel coin phone to give her a piece of my mind, helped me in finding out two things:

1. She could cry in 5 minutes. (Completely unexpected; she always gave me the impression that she was tougher than me.)

2. She hated me from that moment. (At least that’s what she told me then and the last thing too.)

Now 5 minutes being too short a time to blast someone (especially the one whose only crime was trying to help you).  I was still roaming around doing all the customary, attention seeking, show-offs one does (without any live audience), when you are a guy (in his very early 20s and absolutely stupid) and there is a girl involved.

 CPC found me punching on walls, tables, pillars, pretty much anything that couldn’t hit back. He felt that if let loose, I would hit something that would hit me back and that would result in mental agony compounded with physical pain too. He   decided that there was enough things for me to play punch in my own room itself and locked me up in it.

CPC came back, maybe an hour later. By this time, I had settled down to my Study Table (excuse the Misnomer). He came close and checked my fists. They were swollen up, as fat as Potatoes and the mood then restricted me from crying out the pain.

“Are you still angry?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“Because, I couldn’t tell her everything and she hung up”

“That could be fixed “

“How”

“Wait” and CPC left, this time without locking the room, he was sure that I wasn’t going anywhere after seeing my hands.

CPC came back in about five minutes, however this time; he bought RP along with him. Before I could say anything CPC announced.

” You are going to help RP write a letter to SR.”

“Why Should I?”
“Because of three reasons"
"Which are?......." 

“Because you Can, Because you Should and most importantly, Because I Said So!!!”

“Yeah, Right”

Noticing the frown as I said that, CPC let out a glimpse of his strategy.

“Make this letter a masterpiece, so that this letter is read by everyone in that hostel, starting with SRs roommates”

Oh Boy, he was good. He knew what SRs roommate meant to me and that I have unfinished business. If rumours were to be believed, Love Letters in this Ladies Hostel do get to travel floors to floors covering every room. (Just to check the grammar and punctuation, I am sure). Even if it was a myth, CPC knew for sure that the right kind of letter would definitely be shared at least with a roommate.

RP too was in a similar situation like me, even though she had not confirmed any feeling for him, she reasoned that RPs consistently poor performance in all the exams was because of her and decided to stop talking to him until he started taking studies seriously and show improvement.

I saw this letter as an opportunity to vent out my frustration and get RP off of SRs back, for I knew exactly what was going to happen. She will play this game till the end of this final year. She will get Campus Placement and move on and RP, RP is going to be stuck right here. (Like me.) I wanted this letter to serve the primary purpose of getting back at SRs (cute) roommate. If this letter serves as a reason for SR to dump RP prematurely, that could be counted as a healthy byproduct.

I smiled at RP and started dictating the letter, and finished it in three pages and Two hours. Much time was spent in hunting for Explosive Synonyms, for any words which CPC and I felt were remotely soft and subtle.

Thanks to RPs blind faith in us and his cluelessness of English then, we managed to convince RP the letter was good and what was exactly needed to mend things up.

RP promptly delivered the letter and nothing, absolutely nothing happened and all involved got confused for two different reasons:

1. RP expected SR to come running and hug him on reading the letter.

2. CPC and I, expected SR to come running and slap him on reading the letter.

Today, as we stood outside the church with CPC tying his knot tight and strong inside, RP got a call. He started making animated faces there, which the caller could not see, but everyone around us then could. When the pair of eyeballs staring RP and his mock faces crossed the acceptable number, I did the wisest thing possible, take a few steps back , pretending I had nothing to do with the guy.

RP finally hung up the call and walked up to me. It was his 1 year old baby girl on the phone with whom he was communicating in their special secret language, which involved a lot of stretching the face muscles quiet wide and high. The baby’s mother, his wife, was the same SR, in-case, just in case, if you were wondering. Exactly like I had always Predicted and felt.

At some point, during our conversation, RP mentioned something about, he owing me. I knew where this was heading. Right from the Gifted Boyfriend Story to the Hate Mail, he had plenty in his list to settle Dues with me. Might be, this should be the time where I make up excuses and start running.

As I was working out an exit strategy in my head, I heard him mention, The Letter. I gather all my courage and ask.

“What about it?”

“Well, she told me that was one main factor as to why she started taking me seriously or even started thinking about a relationship with me, SR says the she could see my pain in those words and she knew that I meant every word and was genuine. I laugh my guts out, without her seeing when she goes on and on about that letter. Because it was my serious entry ticket, I dint tell her that…., you are the one who drafted it.  Hope you don’t mind?”

 Now this came as an absolute shock for me, here I am expecting RP to at least try hitting me for fooling and lying and seriously trying to screw up his relationship, back in college, and now the  guys says,what looks like a  Thank you in a really long sentence.

RP went on and on, about the letter, how she still preserves it in her Scrapbook and teases him by Quoting phrases from it.

The letter too had served its purpose, Exactly like I had always Predicted and wanted.

I listened to RPs long speech on the letter in a state of stupor, and couldn’t hear or make sense of the most of it.

As we were walking towards the adjacent wedding hall for the marriage reception, I asked him.

“Did she show it to anybody else?”

“No, was too personal for her”

EDIT
Disclaimer: If you feel the characters have any Resemblance to anyone A-live or Not-Live, Remember it's a small world and I cant help it..